The event I attended on January 21, 2017 located at La Madeleine in Sandy Springs, Georgia, “The Liar’s Den: Let’s Chat,” was something much-needed not just for myself as a woman, but women in general in order to bridge together this invisible gap so commonly placed between us. This was set as a preview of the book, which would shed some light together as a group on questions we all at some point seemed to wonder when it came to men. No, this wasn’t a male’bashing event or a get-together to talk about their flaws, but rather gain some form of group therapy that could eventually help us within our own relationships whether as a partner or even with young sons.
To sit down and break bread (knowledge) with other sisters regarding a common desire, which was to gain a better understanding or insight about questions we all wonder in our own minds, contributes one step at a time towards a stronger sisterhood.
This is so important, especially in the Black community because when you converse with others who not only understand where you are coming from but could also relate, you tend to open your ears more to what is being shared and allow it to really digest instead of placing the horse-blockers on while turning to the deaf ear.
These were beautiful women of all ages, marital statuses, careers and of various relationship goals. You had some who sought the idea of a husband and children and then you had others who only desired companionship-no interest in the wedding dress and exchange of the last name.
The energy was strong and positively phenomenal from the moment I slid the door open at La Madeleine’s in Sandy Springs, Georgia. The black and purple decor draped around the tables, including the “L” shaped forum discussion table we commenced at.
Today’s topic: CHEATING. Without going into our own intimate detailed discussions, I must admit, there wasn’t a pin-drop type of silence in the room at any point in time. Host and Author Re M’Latamou, handled the event with such a seamless flow as we previewed her upcoming book “The Liars Den,” as she fed questions to get our minds brewing.
In between responses, the catered food was amazingly fulfilling (I swore I was going to bite a hole through my hand, they were so good) along with a prized raffle. Everyone participated in a short play titled “Handle It 2,” taking turns reading from its script before finally preparing to all go our separate ways at the end. This event was so intense because it made a lot of us review and decipher what had been occurring within our own lives and think of what could be done differently. When you get the chance, really sit back and ask yourself the following questions:
- Why do Men CHEAT?
- Why do Men LIE?
- Why do Men not OPEN UP & TALK?
I am not a professional therapist or anyone who obtained a degree in psychology so these responses are solely my own and not a representation of anyone else.
Why do Men Cheat?
Men can cheat for several different reasons and then there are times when they may step out just because. You could give him everything off of your back down to the bones itself and he would still sleep around. A lot of women who had been cheated on tend to get salt poured into their wounds when they finally see the woman or even women and realize “she’s not even pretty.”
When a man cheats, sometimes it is based on what he may be missing at home. You might not be that freak in the bed (some men get tired of doing it missionary 24/7), you might nag or argue too much or you changed and not for the better. Maybe you are the perfect woman and there are no true, legitimate problems with you – there are times when he just wants the feeling of different snatch and there is nothing you can do about it.
Why do Men Lie?
What I gathered from our gathering that originally did not think of was the fact that it could simply be due to them not wanting to have to deal with the emotions of a woman hurt. The last thing they want to do is admit to their lies and console an angry or hurt woman. Men may not be the best when it comes to someone he loves, breaking down in tears and pain because of his actions (this calls for responsibility and admitting to their wrongdoings).
If they can avoid it, they would. Ladies, with us being super unlicensed Private-Eye Dectectives (we could solve your coldest cases if given the chance), even when we know they’re lying, we will drill you and ask you 101 questions until you tell us what we already know.
Men, if you haven’t gotten it by now, when your woman asks you the same question multiple times- she’s trying to give you the chance to redeem yourself because she has proof. Men may not tell us the truth simply because they feel we can’t handle it. Another reason could be-it’ll mess up their true intentions even if you’re not lying but withholding information.
“If I tell her all I want is sex, then she’s going to think that I’m some type of dog so I’ll just tell her that I’m not ready for a relationship.”
Why do Men not OPEN UP & TALK?
times This has been the strangest part to grasp. Why is it so hard for a man to open up and express your thoughts? Are you afraid of being judged or feel as though this would be a form of weakness? A lot of the times, men might tell a woman one thing like “I really like you and could see us maybe getting married in the future.”
Sometimes we have been guilty of taking info like this and running with it. Next thing you know, you’re planning your wedding colors, looking at gowns and trying on the man’s last name. All he said was that he could see a future with you and you’re ready to bear his kids. Is this why they keep info to themselves? Let me know!
You can find Re M’Latamou online at:
Facebook: Re Re
Until next time,
Sabrina T. Wallace