Good Evening! So recently I dismantled a long distance relationship with a young gentleman who will remain nameless. It was not what I pictured and with hiccups when it came to honesty, I decided it was best for me to bring in the new year with a clean slate. The title of this entry is called “How To Guide: #DatingAtlanta,” in which the reason behind it clearly speaks exactly what you see. Atlanta is known to be flooded with women and with its ratio being so high (According to AJC.com, there are 80k more women than there are men), this is going to be quite an adventure ahead of us.
This evening, I have decided to bring you along with me as I begin a journey into the world of online dating. A lot of you have heard of it and I am sure enough of you have experienced it. Online dating can be fun and easy going at times and then a big turn-off and brutally overwhelming during others. This will be the first time, however, that I post my dating quarrels online for others to view, so your interaction is going to play a big role.
I will not inform any of these men who I meet on the site, about my journey in blogging it as I do not believe their reactions will be as genuine. Those who I could really give a damn less about, I will inform. I will also consult with a male friend of mine who will help me out along the way when it comes to digesting/translating the responses (from a male’s perspective)…we’ll call him “John”
So sit back and let’s get this show on the road!
#DatingAtlanta: The Profile
So first, I had to fill out a small document with the basic information. This is pretty much universal with every dating site out there. The particular site that I decided to go with, caters to the African American community. Whatever your preference is, whether you are into interracial dating or strictly dating someone of your same ethnicity, I would recommend you follow what your heart desires.
One word of advice to my sisters out there: Not all caucasian men are against dating women of color. If anything, they will probably be more hesitant to approach you, out of fear of thinking we don’t like “white” men. One thing that would probably help and is cute at the same time is adding the phrase, “Swirl-Friendly,” to your statement. This should allow any caucasian man who comes across your profile to know “hey, I like a little cream in my cocoa too!”
Now, one thing you want to be sure of when it comes to your profile is that your photos match your statement. John and I were discussing this very topic earlier today as we compared notes on the type of women who approach him online and the type of men who approach me online.
Women who claim to “want a man who respects me and is not looking to hook up,” yet posts scantily clad photos of her in panties and bra with a side order of cleavage exposed, may send the wrong signs visually than what she has written. If anything, this is going to attract the wrong attention. So if you want someone to approach you with respect and leave very little wiggle room for the inappropriate “breaks of ice,” either change up your profile or maybe post more photos of you being represented just as you seek.
#DatingAtlanta: What are you looking for?
This part of the site looks pretty much straight forward. Now, because I’m not looking to get married tomorrow or even next week, I’m going to select all except “Marriage.” The “What are you looking for,” section will play a role in what type of people contact you. Once they go to your profile, your intentions will be as clear as day to them. I must admit when it comes to online dating, not too many people pay attention to what type of relationship you are looking for if they are not in a serious mind frame themselves.
Also as a piece of advice from me to you: If you do not want people to know all of your business such as your home type, living situation, annual income, etc. then you can select if it is available, “prefer not to say.” I personally feel as though this is way too much information to broadcast to people you have not spoke to yet.
Once you have completed the previous page, you will be taken to this part of the questionnaire where it becomes “Build-a-Man,” or, at least, something similar to help you narrow down the members on the site, to ones you find based on your preferences. You will need to be a little less shallow, I would suggest at this point unless you honestly think they can match you up with your Mr. Perfect!
#DatingAtlanta: Profile Complete!
So now you have:
- Completed your basic information
- Provided your intro statement
- Uploaded photos that would match your statement
- Selected what your relationship intentions are
- And built your Mr. Perfect
You go browsing of course! This is the best part, besides actually conversing with someone. You browse through the profiles and weed out what you like from what you don’t like. A lot of people tend to use this time to “window shop,” as I like to call it while others refer to it as lurking through photos. I must admit, when I am on a site that requires a paid membership in order to release a lot of its best perks, I take a look at the current members up there.
If there’s no Grade-A, chances are I’ll end up going to another site before I decide to pay any money. Let this be a warning for you although – just because it’s a paid site does not mean the quality of men or women will be any different. There are some people out there who will choose to waste their money while they still kick the same bullshit they kick on free sites anyways.
If you don’t seem to be satisfied with the results, then try again on another site. This is just like washing clothes – you repeat the cycle until you either have luck, decide to play in the real world (I tend to do this a lot), or just give up and leave it alone altogether. Beware as well: There are a lot of people out there Catfishing. If you are not sure whether or not you were a victim to a catfish, read my blog entry and this should help you right out! Not everyone is too shabby on being rejected so they may use someone else’s profile as their own. It is up to you really to be your own investigator before things get seriously.
Once I’ve gotten some feedback with my account, I will be sure to let you know. Until then, let’s get some feedback going.
What was the worst online dating experience you’ve ever had? What made it so bad?